Sorry for the lack of consistency!
hotd:
tremble-ing, shoes off
Writhe and struggle, try to breathe
breaking down. way down.
hotd. <- i am not a consistent person.
dusty books and big
cups of steamy coffee, thats
my euphoria.
hah
The mess and the misery of it all will subside with time
and then there’s only truth, and you have to somehow acquire enough
religion in yourself to accept that truth, facing it with the full breadth
of your shoulders and the rigidity of your American jaw.
By religion, I mean faith, and by faith I mean belief
And by belief, I am refering to ANY belief in ANY particular thing
which keeps your soul grounded just enough to hold on.
Your religion could be God, or Gods. Your religion could be whiskey
You might not have faith in anything but the old Elvis records in your den
But if you hold swiftly to Blue Suede Shoes, you’ll get through.
Nobody has a job, Nobody has a god damn thing, not even a future.
And the past is all burned up with memories of the shit we used to have.
That fury is fuel for my fire, at this point. Which I am also using to keep warm
Cuz nobody can afford to heat their homes, if they even still own one.
Its a tragedy and its unlike any other. With natural disasters and crime,
You grieve, pick yourself up, dust your britches, and go back to normal.
With this crisis were in, dust IS normal, grief IS our regular life now.
So we have to find that religion in SOMETHING, or faith in death alone.
So I commend you all. Americans especially, but all of us really.
Put your records on, drink your whiskey, pray to whatever you’ve got
and get through the night
night after night
til comes death or bail, whichever.
But don’t surrender. Don’t let the banks and the stiff grey suits
take your simple pleasures, goddammit, don’t ALLOW it.
And when the whiskey’s all poured dry,
And the bank reposesses your record player
and anything else you might have hoped for, has left or let go.
Be thankful for your liver, and your ears, and your heart
and STILL dont you DARE give in to the remorse
Why do you think they called the 30’s a depression?
Cuz those bastards surrendered to the sadness, thats why.
Don’t throw in the towel
You might need it to shelter your ass before long, who knows.
:x
Well, she dont do nothing for you
But mess you up
Yeah, she messes you up
Im your shoulder, Im the quick drive over
Tryin to fix your stuff, well I give up
Oo, youll never see me standin right in front of you
Im not having a good day!
tomorrow is at LEAST busy.
at LEAST i dont have to sit here and be sad all day!
mehhh.
Im sick of crying at eureka college
People make mistakes, they do, and they should be forgiven out of the kindness of our hearts. But here, at this place, I have no kindness in my heart. I feel like the most naive person that ever walked this campus, and I have no idea why. I am not naive, I don’t hand out my trust, I’m not an idiot and I came here to learn, get a degree, and say a permanent F*&&%*$, I mean, Adios, to Illinois.
And now, Im wrapped up in people. GUH I hate people’s stupid… involvements. I dont want friends. Not to hang out with really, and certainly not to commit to. It isnt because I dont need friendship. It isnt because Im above being lonely, because in truth I am consistently HORRIBLY lonely. But its because I always believe that people are mostly good, and I am ALWAYS wrong. People are not mostly good or mostly bad, they’re mostly selfish. I don’t consider that a negative thing, I mean, you’re stuck with you, you might as well make sure YOU are satisfied. But, that means the only person on this planet that can take care of me, is me. I don’t want to start some whole self-righteous rant about anything, I just HATE how people treat each other and I hate hw Ive been treated by almost everyone I know.
Just forget it. Ill just be a loner. Who better to connect with than myself, right?
9-4 & 9-5
hotd
a return is the
greatest reminder that we
sacrificed our homes.
&
some things will always
bring us to tears, we’ll never
escape our own years.
